On job loss...reaching out...and, well, life.

When you spend many years working for family and then are chosen as the expendable one when cuts need to be made, it hurts.  Even if you've already been looking for other work.  Even when an environment or people are toxic and you know it is beneficial to leave, it can be hard and painful.  I've experienced this with longtime friendships.  Even years down the road, when I've seen the blessings of that ended relationship, it still hurts and I still grieve from time to time what I thought was and what might have been.  You feel duped, used, disrespected, unappreciated.  It's easy to feel anger toward God too... You know that He knows what's best for you, and possibly even has a hand in getting you out of a situation that wasn't good for you, because He loves you and wants what is best for you and sees your heart and your potential and your future... but even if He does, it can feel unfair and unkind to have it happen rather suddenly.  "Wait! I'm not ready! This is scary!" you think.   I don't think God is unfair and unkind.  I do think people can be, and that even when God blesses you through others they don't always do it in the best way, or maybe even in the way God would've liked.  Agency, gotta love it.  I'm glad it doesn't matter.  What does matter is my trust in God and in God's love for me and His awareness of me and my family. 
Right now it feels like Satan's attacks are coming from all sides.  It feels like we are being pummeled.  I've shared that we were going through some hard things previously, but I wasn't at liberty to say what.  Well some of that was related to making decisions about changing employment or advancing schooling or how to deal with the current work situation or me going to work etc.  While we don't have answers on those still, at least we don't have to be quiet about that struggle anymore.  There have also been health issues...some issues that have also brought up past trauma... some issues that still need to be figured out.  Previously we were dealing with serious issues at school, for one of our kids, and summer has been a nice break from that.  I dread having that be back on our plate, and continue to maintain hope that this school year experience will be much better.  There was also the grief of lost loved ones.  Financial difficulties.  My husband's recent  slip... while the first in six years of recovery, and a minor one at that, has created challenges and weariness (and wariness)- on both our parts.  Now, unemployment.
I can see good things ahead.  I can see the potential of great blessings.  I'm so grateful for that vision.  I know of some things coming up that I believe this time is a testing ground for, a preparation for.  We have been blessed with good people in our lives, a good severance package that will hopefully make it possible for my husband to find something that will be really good for him and bring him joy and fulfillment , and with an awareness of God.  We don't need platitudes right now.  We need time and space to process things to feel the feels and work our way through them- because that's what healthy people do.  We need validation, love and support without judgment.  That includes in different areas.  Which is why I'm ending this with what is a bit of an awkward request, but one I feel impressed to make: *If you have been positively affected by either of us sharing our story and being vulnerable and authentic about our lives, addiction related or not, please send a note...something that can be put in my emergency self care kit for when times are especially hard. (email or snail mail if you have our address) Because here's the thing about being open and real... It's hard and it's scary but it's not done from a place of 'woe is me' or getting back at someone... It's done because I've experienced the blessing of helping others as a result, or having my own needs met as a result, time and time again.  I know that it will be helpful to have those notes to turn to when times are hard or the people we hope to be there for us aren't or, well, you get the drift.  I believe that Satan wants us to live in shame and secrecy and isolation from one another.  I bought into that lie for too long and refuse to do so anymore. 
*other things you can do to help: Pray for me to get some sleep- I haven't slept well in far too long & I know how it affects all areas of my life.  Pray for us to have clarity as to what to do.  Pray for the right opportunity.  Share our Etsy shop- it will help us have income and also something to do that is good for us in more ways than you know.*
I love my husband and am proud to stand beside him.  I can honestly and unequivocally say that.


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